How to Find Yourself Again After Divorce: The Midlife Reset

What if divorce isn’t the end of your story, but the beginning of your most authentic chapter?

In this episode of Heartbreak to Happiness, Sara Davison is joined by Wendy Valentine, author of Women Waking Up and host of The Midlife Makeover Show, to talk about divorce, midlife reinvention, and learning to choose yourself.

After facing divorce, an empty nest, debt, health challenges, menopause, and profound loss, Wendy chose “scary freedom” over “familiar misery” and rebuilt her life from the inside out.

Together, Sara and Wendy explore how to change your inner dialogue, reconnect with your values, rediscover who you are, and approach life and dating after divorce with greater confidence and curiosity.

Because sometimes the most important relationship after divorce is the one you build with yourself.

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:03

Welcome to the Heartbreak to Happiness Show with Sarah Davison. If you're struggling with a breakup and you feel shocked, angry, betrayed, devastated, or sad and alone, then this podcast is for you. Best-selling author and award-winning host Sarah Davison shares how you too can get on with your life to heal, grow, and move from heartbreak to happiness.

SPEAKER_00 0:26

A lot of times, I mean, my greatest happiness and bliss has come from those horrible moments in my life. Not to say that you have to experience all that, but it's the dichotomy of life, right? You wouldn't know happiness if you didn't know sadness. You wouldn't know anger if you didn't know joy, right? You wouldn't know black if you didn't know white. It's just the opposites of life and embracing all of it. Just I agree. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 0:53

Sometimes the most painful moments in our life can actually turn out, with hindsight, to be the greatest gifts, you know. And I know certainly for me, my divorce created this whole business where I'm helping people and I'm able to reach millions of people around the world with the podcast and the books. And so if that hadn't happened, I wouldn't be doing what I do, and I love what I do. So, you know, that reinvention is important.

SPEAKER_01 1:16

Here's your host, Sarah Davidson.

SPEAKER_02 1:19

Welcome back to the show. Now, today I am super excited to have Wendy Valentine as my guest. Now, Wendy is an author, and she's got a fabulous book called Women Waking Up. So we're going to talk all about things like menopause, midlife, divorce. She has been through so much and all in one go. I don't want to spoil it, I want to get straight into the episode because she's going to reveal how she coped with multiple traumas in her life, multiple crises, and how she's come out the other side. It's a super uplifting and high-energy conversation, packed full of tips. So I am super excited to welcome Wendy Valentine to the show.

SPEAKER_00 2:03

Welcome Wendy. Thank you so much. It is a pleasure to be here on Heartbreak to Happiness, and hopefully, I bring you lots of happiness to whatever heartbreak you have or have had.

SPEAKER_02 2:15

Oh, thank you. I mean, we I'm so curious about your story and your journey. I mean, you come with bags of energy, you come looking vibrant and absolutely glowing, but I know life hasn't always been that way. In fact, you talk about the perfect storm. So let's go back to how this all started, and I'm curious to hear more about how you got into this.

SPEAKER_00 2:35

Yeah, it's uh it's quite a story, and it's interesting because I sometimes have to take myself back there in my mind and in my heart, especially when I'm doing some of these interviews. But so I'm 53 now. It was probably about seven years ago, mid-40s, obviously. And I was going through my second divorce. I was an empty nester, unemployed, 150 grand in debt. I was experiencing um going through black mole toxicity, chronic Lyme disease, and some good old menopause there. Um, and then also within a six-week period, my dog died, my cat died, and my brother died. So, needless to say, yes, um midlife hit pretty hard. I mean, it would be one thing to just take one of those elements out of there and to deal with just divorce or just an empty nest, but I got hit with everything all at once. And there were two main synchronistic aha moments that completely changed my life. And I'll never forget this moment, but and I don't know if it's like with women like just lying on the bathroom floor bawling their eyes out, but I had one of those moments. And as yeah, I know, right? Maybe it's the hot flashes. We just want to lie on the cold bathroom floor, but so I had this moment where I had this vision of driving an RV, a caravan, caravan, as I think that you guys call it, driving an RV across the country. And I tapped into this dream, and I'll admit, maybe there was a part of me that felt a bit of an escape with this dream. Like, ooh, wouldn't that be so cool to just get the hell out of here, take off in an RV, go cruise across Route 66 into the Arizona sunset. And I literally just got wrapped up into this dream, imagining what the RV would look like, everything. And here's the thing: this is what excited me the most about this dream. It wasn't the RV, it wasn't the Sedona sunset, it wasn't the fancy, you know, navy blue pillows I imagine in this RV. It was actually the woman in the driver's seat. And it was a woman that was happy and healthy and financially free, and a woman that finally followed her dream of becoming an author, becoming an inspirational speaker. And that is what really, really got me excited. And then I had another moment where unfortunately my inner critic completely knocked down that dream and was telling me things like, oh, you know, what makes you think that you can actually make this dream come true? You're you're broke, you're unemployed, you let your whole life fall apart. And very quickly, that dream just dissolved in that moment. And then I was back into that that feeling of my life is over, I'm depressed, I can't do anything right. And then I had this other synchronistic aha moment. It was the uh the quote from Robert Frost Two roads diverged in a wood, and I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference. And it hit me. I know, I love that. It was like it never that I had always heard that quote, but it wasn't until that moment that it really meant anything to me. And I thought, you know, I am at a crossroads. And one road was familiar, right? It was familiar misery. Another road was scary freedom.

SPEAKER_02 6:37

I couldn't familiar one though, because obviously, yeah, the other one's like getting in the OV and going off, which sounds super fun. But the other one, what's the familiar one? Because what's familiar when you've lost your cat, your brother, your job, your I mean, what what's familiar when you've lost your divorce?

SPEAKER_00 6:53

Yeah, yeah, you're exactly right because it's interesting that even that that part was falling, that was completely falling apart in my life. But depression was familiar to me, anxiety was familiar to me, the panic attacks, being sick physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, all of that was familiar. And so oddly, because it was familiar to me, I in some ways I wanted to stay stuck. I wanted to stay, I didn't want to follow this dream. And you know, but I also knew too, it was slowly killing me, right?

SPEAKER_02 7:30

It's interesting that I think that all hit hard with a lot of my listeners because a lot of them would be coming out of say toxic relationships or clinging on to the past because that's what we do and we come out of a of a relationship. And we're as human beings, we're wired, aren't we, to not really like change, even if we know with total certainty that where we are we're going to feel rejected or hurt or sad or, like you said, scared and all the other negative emotions. At least we've got 100% certainty on how bad that feels. Whereas leaving that and going to something completely new is so much uncertainty. It's weird how we'll opt for negative certainty, which makes us feel bad, isn't it? It's not a good idea.

SPEAKER_00 8:08

I know it's like our comfort zone can even be the depression and the anxiety and you know, all of that, all of that wrapped in there, and even to get outside of that miserable but comfy zone still takes a lot of courage. And I had thought about that. I was like, okay, well, I could choose this other route. It's it's a little risky to chase this dream, but on the other hand, it gave me hope. And I realized this was the kicker that no matter which route that I chose, whether I stay in my state of misery or I chase this dream and actually become that woman in that driver's seat, either one would take a ton of effort. So I thought, well, if I'm gonna have to work hard, I might as well work towards a better life for myself. And that's what I did. And that moment I thought, you know what? What do I have to lose? Everything, I I had lost everything at that point. And I became really excited of the opportunities and the chances that I had. And and here I was, you know, late 40s, and I had that thought of, oh my gosh, I want to be turning 50 soon, and I'm having to start all over again. But then I thought, oh, giddy, I get to start all over again, right? And I was having that chance to do that. And the number one thing that I did to completely change my life was changing my thoughts. Because kind of going back to that inner critic and that inner voice that I heard in that moment, I realized how poorly I spoke to myself about my life, about my relationships, about everything. And once I got quiet enough, I was able to pay attention to that ticker tape of thoughts going across my mind. And taking control of that, I thought, well, wait a second. If I'm the only one that has control over my mind and over my thoughts, and if thoughts are supposed to create things and thoughts change your life, I was like, oh, I can actually take control over this. And I kind of thought of it as an experiment, if you will. I was like, you know what? What if, like, I don't know if you guys watch Seinfeld, but and George Castanza, yeah, George Costanza, he does opposite day. And I thought, well, if nothing had turned out well, what if I just do opposite? And I just completely change the Wendy that I once was. And most importantly, changing those thoughts and the beliefs and the values to that woman that I dreamt of becoming that was sitting in that driver's seat, of someday, you know, taking off across the country and actually fulfilling my dreams. And that was the the number one thing that I did was just changing my thoughts, changing my beliefs literally every single day, every second that I could catch a negative, nasty thought in my mind, I would stop it in its tracks and completely replace that.

SPEAKER_02 11:24

So if someone's listening and they're thinking, you know, I'm I'm in that I like the ticker tape analogy there, where you've got those thoughts going through your mind and you've got that voice. And you said, you know, when you manage to get still and listen, I think a lot of us get scared to stop because then we do have to listen. So, do you have any tips for actually getting to the point where you get that clarity from stopping? Because I think a lot of us will distract ourselves with any other thing, whether that's you know, TV or uh binging some Netflix thing or just drinking, eating, anything to change our state rather than actually focusing and getting down to to think actually, what are these thoughts? Because it it's scary, isn't it? And it it does make you feel uncomfortable. So, what's your advice for that?

SPEAKER_00 12:05

Yeah, great question. And yes, it's really scary. And I can't remember, I think it might be chapter three in my book is become your own BFF. And because you have a choice, like right here inside your skull is your beautiful mind, right? And it's either going to be your best friend or your worst enemy, it's gonna be your greatest cheerleader or your worst critic. And you get to decide. And wouldn't you want to be your own best friend and your own cheerleader, right? And yes, you have to get quiet enough to hear that. And for me, I love journaling. I spend a lot of that time journaling. And um, a little trick for you, I actually have my journal right here so I can even show you in case it shows on video. But here's a little trick with journaling that for some for yeah, for some people, uh, they don't journal because they're worried that someone's gonna read it. Yes, right? So here's a little trick. And what I what I recommend is when you get up in the morning, preferably try to do a little meditation, a little guided meditation. I can't do silent meditation, I'll admit. A little guided meditation, 15 minutes, right? Just to kind of wake up your brain a little bit, and then immediately grab your journal and a pen. Don't think, just let your heart pour onto the page, right? And what you're going to do is you're going to write out whatever thoughts you have onto that page. And then when you get done, you're gonna flip your journal upside down and write exactly over what you just wrote. So it literally looks like this. It's just like oh wow, it's just scribble.

SPEAKER_02 13:50

Wow. So you can't read it yourself though, if you want to go back and see how far.

SPEAKER_00 13:55

Uh-uh. I can't read, I can't read it at all. But the point in journaling is to actually get those thoughts out. If you're angry, be angry. If you're happy, be happy. And I tell you what, that I learned so much about myself and about life during that time. And it was in getting quiet enough to hear my thoughts and also to feel my emotions, right? And yes, the same way we can be scared of what we're thinking, we can also be scared of what we're feeling. And I want to remind you that you're a human being being human. We tend to forget. I know, yeah. We're we're a human being being human, yeah. So allow yourself to be human, right? And as a human being, we have typically 19 emotions, right? Everything from anger to sadness to gratitude to bliss, right? Allow yourself to feel those emotions. And especially if you're going through heartbreak, or if you're going through divorce, or you got fired from your job, or whatever the case is, you're going to be feeling a lot of emotions. And think of emotions as emotion is energy in motion. Emotions are supposed to flow through you, right? You don't want them to stay stagnant, right? If you think about a puddle of water, if it just sat there, it would get murky, it gets dirty. You want it to flow like a stream. So the nice thing about allowing your feelings, your thoughts to flow, whether it be on paper, whether it be with a therapist, whether it be just in your mind and in your body, is it's eventually it gets clear, that water gets clear and you're able to feel so much better. And and don't be scared of those emotions that come up because it's normal. It's normal to feel that. And it'll teach you so much about yourself and about life that you're able to move forward in your life in a completely different way.

SPEAKER_02 16:00

I think that's super exciting that you can you know get that stillness and then work towards that clarity. You had quite a mix of different emotions, didn't you? So you had like, you know, obviously you had the illness, you had the grief from the loss of a loved one, you had the divorce side of things as well. Did you process each of those in a different way, or did you kind of put them all in the same pot and go, right, I'm just gonna cope with all of this in one day?

unknown 16:28

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 16:29

I'm so that's such a great question because what I have found too, not just for myself but in other people, like if you are dealing with a lot, you don't know where to start. So you kind of just you go fight, flight, freeze type of mode, and you're like, I don't know what to tackle. What I have found though, as you tackle one area in your life, it spills over into other areas, such as a win-win, right? For me, I the number one thing again I worked on were my thoughts, were my emotions, really tapping into myself, becoming more aware and more mindful. And as I started to do that, I could hear more of what I needed to work on next. I mean, obviously, like with the death of my brother, that was so like so. I was dealing with that mostly because it was pretty traumatic. But then I also found that yes, as I worked on the trauma with that, it helped me get through the divorce, through the loss of that.

SPEAKER_02 17:32

Um, I mean, losses you were heartbroken over the divorce, or was it something that you that helps? That does help.

SPEAKER_00 17:42

I don't know because you know what? I wouldn't be sitting here speaking to you today. My book wouldn't exist if I hadn't gotten the divorce. He was a good man, and I had a good divorce, actually. And I think I definitely needed it in order for me to be me. Yeah, for me to be my authentic self. And especially hitting that divorce in mid-40s, there was a lot that had been built up within me with different other tragedies and traumas and everything really came to the surface, not just what was going on at that time.

SPEAKER_02 18:23

It's funny how that happens, isn't it?

SPEAKER_00 18:25

I know, I know. And you know, one of the things I love this analogy of Michelangelo, when they asked him how he carved the statue of David, and he said, Well, I just carved away at everything that was not him. So it's the same with us, right? We, whether it be from childhood society, from our careers, from our marriages, we have all sorts of limiting beliefs and all sorts of things that get piled on top of us. Like we're basically there's this tiny little angel inside this huge chunk of marble. And then more and more marble gets piled on top on top of us. And especially, I think by the time you get in your 40s and 50s, you're like, oh my gosh, that's why so many women are saying, Wait, who am I? Where did I go? And what we need to do is get that chisel out and carve away at the things that are not you, right? And really start to get curious, get get curious about what your beliefs are, what your values are, what you like, what you don't like. And really ask yourself, like, is that do I believe that, or is that something that maybe my parents believed, or my spouse believed, or my friend, or Instagram, whatever, right? As you start to chip away at those things, you get closer and closer to that inner angel, right? To your true self, your authentic self. And yes, it takes a long time, but it's so worth it.

SPEAKER_02 19:54

I love that inner angel, I think, and and that analogy of chipping away. Because I think when you come out of, you know, especially my audience, we're coming out of relationships, you've kind of piled on so many different identities. You're kind of mum, you might have a job and a career, you'll be wife, or maybe it's a certain man listening, so it could be husband, but you know, you've got all these identities, also looking after the cat, the dog, you know, managing your friendships, maybe parents as well. You've got everything that you're managing on, and who are you after that? Is it's finding that and chipping through to finding that. Did you then decide to go off on the RV? I'm excited to hear that. And how did that go? Because that sounds both exciting, but I I'm pretty sure for a lot of us it's also quite terrifying as well as it driving off. Um, you know, tell us about that. How did that go on?

SPEAKER_00 20:42

Yeah, so after I'd made the decision, I was like, you know what, I'm gonna go for it. Then I had to decide, well, how am I gonna actually make that happen? And the number one thing I had to do was obviously get a job. So I started a I at the time I was living in Virginia outside of Washington, DC. And I was so open and willing for change in my life, I was like, you know what, I'll move anywhere. And I sent my resume out all over the world, well, even the world, I think. That's how willing I was. I was like, okay, I'll do it. And within four weeks after I sent out my resume, I got a job offer in Chicago, Illinois.

SPEAKER_02 21:26

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 21:27

And packed up the U-Haul, and I moved from from Virginia to Illinois, and I think I got there on a Saturday, started my new job on Monday, and I was like, oh my God, here we go. And within two years, I ended up just chipping away at the Mound of Debt that I had. I read every self help book, you know, probably a couple of times. I seeked therapy, I did EMDR, I did all sorts of different types of therapy to recover from the trauma. I ate well. I moved my body. I did yoga. I did meditation. I mean, I just went all out. And again, my main goal wasn't about, again, it wasn't the RV. It wasn't all the things I was going to do. It was that woman that I wanted to become. And that was the main thing. And anyone out there listening, what besides just changing your thoughts and changing your beliefs, think about the person that you want to become, right? Down to how do you sleep at night? How do you eat? How do you move your body? How do you walk into a room? How do you how do you work? How do you show up at work? What are your relationships like? What are your boundaries like? Literally get super, super detailed on this person that you want to become, not what society wants you to become, but who you want to become.

SPEAKER_02 22:55

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:56

Yeah. Every single day, step into the shoes of that new person. I mean, it's just like uh an actor preparing for a role, right? You can act however you want to act. And if I mean, and then even ask yourself, how does a strong, confident woman act? How does she speak? How does she, how does she, uh, how does she treat herself? How does she love herself? What is she, how are how are her relationships? Everything. Think about all of those details. And then as you start to behave like that person, you become that person.

SPEAKER_02 23:33

Do you find that there's a gap though, isn't there? I mean, I love this device because I do think, and I I talk about this with clients as well, that there is a gap, and the resistance comes from I don't want to be disingenuous. And to be honest, I don't really know how that feels because that's not me. I can see it, but then I'm just lying and I don't want to lie. So how how does that how do you bridge that gap till you really own it and it becomes who you are?

SPEAKER_00 23:57

Well, I actually as far as yeah, and I I can totally understand that, but I felt for me that I had been lying for for most of my life. I because I wasn't really being me. And you know, I can speak for me on this one, but you know, I I was a people pleaser, approval seeker, codependent, perfectionist. I rocked all those labels for almost 50 years of my life. Wow. And so I was doing all the things that I thought I needed to do for everybody else, right? As a matter of fact, um the author Bronny Ware, she talks about the top five regrets of the dying, and the number one regret is living life for everybody else.

SPEAKER_02 24:47

Ooh, love that. Yeah, I know. And I love the fact that you that's a really interesting distinction that it it might be you. So if you're listening to this and going, yeah, but I'm not confident, but there were times in your life where you were, right? And there were, you know, and I think a lot of us are people pleasers and highly empathetic and want to make everyone else happy and put ourselves bottom of the pile. Um, you know, especially as busy women, we do. And so I guess a lot of us maybe need to flip that in our heads and think, well, actually, maybe this really is you, you just not practiced it being you.

SPEAKER_00 25:19

Yeah. And you know, there's um, I love this quote, Marianne Williamson. Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate, our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. And during that time in my life, that quote completely changed for me. Because at first I didn't really believe it. I was like, Marianne Williamson, what are you talking about? Why would I be scared of my own light? But then I asked myself the question well, what if I embraced my light? What would I have to do? So I think for all of us, kind of going back to what we were saying before, how that darkness can be kind of comforting because it's familiar. But what if, what if you fully stepped into your light? What would you have to do? And who would you have to become? And I think there in within all of us, there's that light that's just waiting, begging to be unleashed if we allow it to do that. And I think sometimes through heartbreak, actually, it gives us that opportunity, like, okay, you know, it's like when we get knocked completely down, it's like, all right, well, this is my opportunity to go ahead and shine the way I want to shine.

SPEAKER_02 26:32

Yeah, it's that reinvention, isn't it? That recreating your identity or rediscovering it even. So you were there for two years. Then did you get in the RV? I'm keen to know. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 26:42

I did, I know, right? Um, so yeah, eventually I saved up enough money, and then um I flew from Chicago to Nashville on a Friday, bought the RV on a Saturday, I drove it back on Sunday.

SPEAKER_02 26:59

You bought it, okay.

SPEAKER_00 27:00

Yeah, and then quit my corporate job on Monday, and then I took off on a Tuesday. And yes, it was definitely one of the greatest things I've ever done for myself. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 27:12

Did you go on your own?

SPEAKER_00 27:14

I did, yes. Yeah. I mean, I always say I'm like, I got a divorce and married myself. Um, it was a blast. It was funny because a lot of people asked, they said, you know, are you are you scared that you're gonna be lonely? And actually, talk about getting quiet with yourself. It was a whole other ball game. And because I was doing this crazy, courageous, you know, adventure, and it was nice to actually just sit with me, myself, and I ask myself what I wanted for dinner, where you want to go tomorrow, what do you want to do? It was like there was so much flexibility and adventure to it and curiosity. I really got to know myself more during that stage of my life than any other time in my life. How long did you travel for? Um, I probably did about a year, a little over a year. Yes. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 28:16

And did you feel like lonely is one thing. I think for me, I'd be nervous about safety as a woman traveling around on my own.

SPEAKER_00 28:24

Yeah, a lot of people laugh at. Um, no, I I was fine with that because I stayed, like the one nice thing in the US is they have amazing national parks and really nice RV parks. So I always stayed, you know, in really good parks. And you were always parked next to people. So you it was always very, very safe. But um it was a bit of a Did you ever how did you overcome that awkwardness when people go, Oh, who are you with?

SPEAKER_02 28:50

And you're like, It's just me.

SPEAKER_00 28:52

Like, how did you feel the need to sort of explain that or No, very actually there was I met quite a few women that were out there on their own, which was really cool. Some other, you know, divorcees that were like, Oh, I'm doing those same thing. I was like, Yeah, so it's yeah, pretty cool. Um, you meet the most fascinating people in RV parks and even families, and you know, some are retired, some are young. But it was definitely, if I had not done it, it would have been my only regret in life for sure.

SPEAKER_02 29:29

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 29:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 29:31

Wow, I love that. Okay, let's talk about your book. Tell us about your book, Women Waking Up. Tell us what what did you who did you write it for? Um what do you know people are getting from the book?

SPEAKER_00 29:42

Yeah, uh, great question. So, Women Waking Up, the Midlife Manifesto for Passion, Purpose, and Play. Basically, yes, this book was born out of that whole breakdown to breakthrough story. And not only, you know, do I tell more of my story in the book, but it has all the tools, the methods, the techniques to show you how I did it and how you can do it. But to answer your question, yes, it was I wrote the book because I didn't want another woman out there to feel lost, stuck, invisible, quietly dissatisfied, no matter what they were going through in their life. And I even I have men that read the book, and I and I have people that are in their 20s and 30s that read the book. So you don't have to be at midlife. But I definitely wanted to have this book be the lifesaver, uh, if you will, for other for other women out there that are having to maybe restart or they want to just change their life a little bit. They they want to find that courage again, they want to need help with that chisel to find their inner angel. And because I think we all just, oh my gosh, life is so short. I know we hear that all the time, and that's so cliche, but it really is. Yeah, and I sometimes wonder like, why are we wasting so much time on silly things when you know it's just we have this amazing world that we live in and we can create whatever we want.

SPEAKER_02 31:13

I think midlife as well is it I don't think we're taught we we're told about that until we're in it, and even then there's a lot of mystery around midlife. Um, you know, it's like you know, the menopause, perimenopause, all that that's only recently in the last probably few years, had enough education and understanding so we actually know it. And you know, for me, I was in it before I've been taught about it, and then I was like, what's going on? And now I understand, but it took me a while and I didn't know it was coming. So, yeah, and also midlife, I think you think, well, you're living your best life. You think, oh well, I've got through all the trials and I've had fun in my 20s, I've got settled down, got a job, maybe started my family, got married in my 30s, and in my 40s will be, you know, working my way up the ladder or whatever the passion is, and then you know, then by my 50s I'll be settled. And actually, life isn't anything like that. It's you know, rewrite that script because that's not what happens. You know, what do you think is the biggest misconception that people have about midlife that you don't probably realize too long?

SPEAKER_00 32:12

Well, I think that's a good you you said it perfectly, right? And I think no matter what, you know, especially our 20s and 30s, right? We're checking off all the boxes, right? Kids, career, marriage, house in the burbs. And no matter how well you do it, all of that, still midlife comes around and you're going to experience changes. It's not maybe you will, right? Our parents are aging. My dad just passed away, unfortunately, a few weeks ago. So I'm having to experience that. Yeah. So, but yeah, your body's changing. You know, men or women, it doesn't matter, right? Your body's gonna be changing, those birdies are leaving the nest. Uh, your career could be changing. You, your career, you know, you could be preparing for retirement. There's all sorts of things going on. Sometimes, you know, you might be lucky that it comes in phases, and sometimes it's like me and everything hits all at once. But whichever, there's going to be changes that you need to face. And in my opinion, the best thing to do is to be proactive about it instead of reactive, instead of waiting for all of these things to happen. Do the best that you can with yourself, mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually, so that no matter what comes your way, you're like, okay, I got this. I can handle this, right? I'm a human being, being human, I can do this. And you make the best of it. I mean, there's there's not there's no way to kind of like skirt around it and go, okay, let me just ignore this and avoid that. Like, no, it's some of that stuff like hits you right in the face. Yeah. And yeah, it's um, and I was thinking too, even the the name of your podcast, it's it's heartbreak to happiness, right? And I was even thinking of it's it's happiness through heartbreak, right? Because a lot of times, I mean, my my greatest happiness and bliss has come from those horrible moments in my life. Not not to say that you have to experience all that, but it's the dichotomy of life, right? You wouldn't know happiness if you didn't know sadness, you wouldn't know anger if you didn't know joy, right? You wouldn't know black if you didn't know white. It's it's just the opposites of life and and embracing all of it. Just I agree.

SPEAKER_02 34:30

Yeah. Sometimes the the most painful moments in our life can actually turn out with hindsight to be the greatest gift, you know. And I know certainly for me, my divorce created this whole you know business where I'm helping people and I'm able to reach millions of people around the world with the podcast and the books. And and you know, if that hadn't happened, I wouldn't be doing what I do, and I love what I do. So, you know, that reinvention is is important. Um, I know one of the topics that comes up a lot with my audience is dating again. Do you have any tips for after the reinvention, after doing the RV trip, any tips for getting back out there on the dating scene again?

SPEAKER_00 35:08

It's funny because I was just on a podcast yesterday and it was all about dating. But just like I said earlier, get the divorce and marry yourself, right? Spend some time with yourself. Yeah. Get that chisel out. Really get to know yourself, listen to your thoughts, change your beliefs, ask what your values are. And instead of like, especially, I think two in our 20s and 30s, we're looking for a different type of person, right? And think about the season of the life that you're in at this moment. Who, who do you really want for this next season that's coming up, right? Because even think about for me, I had an empty nest. I had three kids, right? I wasn't needing someone to be a good father figure and to, you know, be, you know, running around in the house and you know, managing a household. I didn't need that anymore. So think about the season that you're in right now and what you're wanting, and most importantly, who you're wanting to be in this next stage in your life. And so, yeah, get to know yourself and ask your values. I had never asked myself what my values were after my. I was like, oh my God, I've never asked myself that question. What are my values?

SPEAKER_02 36:21

But they shift over time as well. You know, they do shift, especially with like traumatic events.

SPEAKER_00 36:26

So yeah. Yeah, and don't be don't be afraid to experiment and think, like, okay, get a little curious. Like, if you get back out there in the dating world, don't think that, like, okay, I'm only gonna look for this person, because you could be passing up someone that you would have never really considered, and they could be the one, right? So I th I kind of think of it as a buffet, right? You just go sample what you want, see what you like, see what you don't like, and that's how you learn, right? That's how you how you're gonna learn what you like and what you don't like, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 36:59

Yeah, I think it's that same like reinvention where you're like, which path do I take here? Again, you take the path we've always traveled and you go for the same type of person, you're gonna get the same type of results usually. So, you know, it can be fun, can be fun to do things differently, can be a lot of fun. In fact, there's a I don't know if you've seen it because it's an American show. The age of attraction is just out on Netflix where it's it's you get to date, it's a reality TV show. So you get to date, and there's about uh 30 women and 30 men, maybe more, and they get put in this sort of environment in in Whistler, and they all have to sort of speed date meet each other, and after a few days, they have to decide are they going to partner up with somebody and go to the next stage. But the only question they're not allowed to ask each other is their age. And so what's happening on the show is that they're getting some, you know, and usually older men and younger women, you can see that coming, and you know, that's that's accepted in society, even if they're like late 50s and the woman's in her 20s, right? And that that's obviously individual choice, but you know, when it's the other way around and you're watching a woman in her mid-50s with and then she doesn't know because some of these guys look older and they're actually in their 20s, then just you know, the actual how society treats them and how people think you know is really interesting because even me, I'm totally open to that for sure. And a lot of my clients, you know, date younger men because why not? You know, why not? Yeah, yeah. Um but I did see a previous size and looks at it.

SPEAKER_00 38:28

Yeah, yeah, and that's all changing too, right? Um, and I think you you do need to ask yourself what's important to you, right? Not not trying to fit in what's good for society, your family, your culture or religion. It's like, what is good for you? What what do you want? And really asking yourself that question, not just not just in a partner, but what do you want? What do you want in your life? I mean, it's a great question to ask, and sometimes we we're always so busy, we never take that time to ask ourselves those important questions.

SPEAKER_02 39:01

It's not what should I want, it's what do I want.

SPEAKER_00 39:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 39:05

Yep, exactly.

SPEAKER_00 39:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 39:07

Tell tell us about your podcast, because I know you've got an incredible podcast too.

SPEAKER_00 39:11

Yeah, thank you.

SPEAKER_02 39:12

And when you're gonna be on it, so we'll definitely share that with notions, yeah, for sure.

SPEAKER_00 39:18

Yeah, so the midlife makeover show, we talk about all things midlife, perimenopause, menopause, divorce, uh, depression, oh my gosh, relationships, all sorts of all sorts of topics. Because as we know at midlife, all sorts of things go crazy, right? Um, and fun, fun little fact here. So after I took off in the RV and then I traveled for a while, and then not that I have a thing with numbers, but on 222-22 at 22 p.m., I started the midlife makeover show. Wow. Yeah, February 22nd, 2022, at 22 p.m.

SPEAKER_02 39:57

Um, so yeah, on purpose you did it that way, or it just happened that way.

SPEAKER_00 40:01

I did. Matter of fact, it was ready in January, and then when I realized the whole 222 thing was gonna happen, it would never happen again, probably in my lifetime. I was like, I might as well just wait. So, yeah, started the podcast in uh in Malibu, California in the RV, which was a blast. So I love that.

SPEAKER_02 40:21

Now, are you still in the RV? Everyone's gonna want to know. Are you still in the RV?

SPEAKER_00 40:25

So I am actually right across the pond from you. I am in Madeira, Portugal. I've been here almost three years. I still have the RV. The RV is back in the US, and I basically, her name is Felicia. Um as in Ba Felicia.

SPEAKER_02 40:43

American.

SPEAKER_00 40:43

Yeah. So she is now parked in Atlanta, and basically, whenever I go back to the States, I have a home to go back to, and it's on wheels, which is nice. But but yeah, and that I mean that was one thing too. I went from living in you know, 5,000 square feet down to a hundred square feet. So I had to make yeah, so I mean, not only just quitting my corporate job and moving to the RV, but I mean, I had to sell everything and all the clothes, everything. So that in itself was quite liberating to actually move into an RV full-time. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 41:25

I love that. Well, good for you. I think it's super inspiring. So, what's your work now? If people want to find you, learn more about what you're doing, how do they get in touch, and what are you focusing on mostly?

SPEAKER_00 41:35

Thank you. Yeah, so the main hub would be windyvalentine.com. Uh, from there, you can find the podcast, the book, Substack, all sorts of good stuff. But yeah, my main focus is writing. I've been promoting Women Waking Up for a few months now, and then the podcast, and then who knows with the next book, and then I'll start doing keynote speaking here pretty soon.

SPEAKER_02 41:59

Fantastic. Well, yeah, I absolutely love chatting to you. I have one final question that I ask all my guests. So, as you mentioned, my podcast is called Heartbreak to Happiness. So, what is happiness for you, Wendy?

SPEAKER_00 42:13

Ooh, good question. Okay, I'm gonna agree with Gandhi on this one. And he said that happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony. Ooh, lovely hard.

SPEAKER_02 42:28

I know. Yeah. And I love your quotes, by the way.

SPEAKER_00 42:32

Oh, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 42:34

I love that quotes.

SPEAKER_00 42:35

But you know, to me, like I saw that quote uh actually in Massachusetts, it was written on the wall, like Kropalo, it's a retreat center there. And I remember seeing that and thinking, ooh, I want that. I want my what I'm thinking and what I'm saying and what I'm doing to be in harmony, to be congruent. And basically, to me, that meant I was being true to myself, I was being authentic, and to me, that's happiness. Love it.

SPEAKER_02 43:08

I love it. Well, thank you so much. I mean, you've been an amazing guest, such interesting insights, and really fun, high energy, and perfect for the show. So, thanks so much for being a fabulous guest. Thank you so much, and I wish happiness for everyone out there. Thank you for listening, everybody. That's it for today's episode. Do like, subscribe, follow, hop over and follow Wendy as well. And I look forward to seeing you on my next episode.

SPEAKER_01 43:41

That's it for today's episode of Heartbreak to Happiness. Don't forget to subscribe and leave a review to win a free ticket to Sara's virtual Heartbreak to Happiness retreat. This is a transformative combination of live webinars with Sara herself, coupled with her empowering online video program designed to help you cope better with your breakup and start feeling happy again. Thank you and join us again on the next episode for another dose of Heartbreak to Happiness.